Marijuana and Motivation, Focus and Energy Level
Good morning, and again it is my pleasure speaking with you.
I am finding myself in a familiar yet unexplored place in life. Because of whatever the clinical definition of my disorder is coupled with the inability to afford or qualify for healthcare I have continued my quest to figure out what is wrong with me on my own.
I explained my history with marijuana with you in my previous emails. Since then Dr. Grinspoon my life has taking a dramatic turn towards the positive. I now have something I have never had before, self worth and the beginning of reuniting with family and friends. I could never be here experiencing this tremendous sense of accomplishment and the ability to move forward without the use of marijuana. I now know that I can and will accomplish every goal I set with marijuana as a part of my daily routine.
On my journey I have been blessed with discovering you and the time and effort that you have dedicated to marijuana. The more I learn the more I want to know. I am trying desperately to overcome whatever it is that prevents me from having the ability to push forward to accomplish what is in my heart and mind. That search led me to Dr. Daniel Amen.
In Dr. Amen’s books he clearly suggests that marijuana use has a negative effect on the brain and it can be seen with the brain spect imaging being performed in his clinics. Dr. Grinspoon, I am a ninth grade drop out with a little more than a year and half of college (attempted twice & stopped because of whatever is off up stairs, lol) and in no way am I implying that I am genius on the subject of mental health or marijuana. What I do know is that for me and my personal experience with marijuana, I have yet to find another natural or prescription product that produces the same positive effect on my over all well being.
I have found that marijuana stimulates something in my individual brain that is like the missing link that makes me whole. That is a very difficult subject to have with a physician here in Texas because marijuana is illegal, so again I am left with my only option and that is to find out as much as I can. That research brought me to Dr. Amen. I feel that I have a better understanding of the brain and what is needed to have a healthy brain. I am learning and enjoying all the information and applying different things that seem to be working for me and my particular behaviors.
Dr. Amen suggest that marijuana is unhealthy and harmful to the brain and this can be seen with the imaging but the use of marijuana for me has helped my particular disorder enough to help me find him and his work by staying focused, motivated and stable. I have stopped smoking marijuana and have taken up supplements that are suggested (omega3, st johns wort, etc...) I am obviously willing and able to try anything that will allow me to have the quality of life I now know I deserve.
By stopping smoking marijuana my obsessive thinking/dwelling starts. I find it harder and harder to get what I need done. I am learning my triggers, however slowly I at least know what is going on. I now have the ability to decide if that slice of Mr. Jim’s pizza goes in my mouth lol. Without smoking I will focus on the aspects in my life that are unfamiliar and let those thoughts consume me to the point of only the bare minimum being accomplished.
I have discovered that marijuana increases my motivation, focus, energy level, creativity and so many other positive things and emotions. Without the use of marijuana I know I have a higher chance of winding up unable to move forward and be a responsible, nurturing, loving, educated and preparing for the future mother, finish school, establish and maintain a career, or fully live out my passion. I believe all of those things in turn will wind up costing the great state of Texas a lot more by denying me something that will increase my chances for success and off any type of government and state assistance.
Where I am at right now Dr. Grinspoon is that I am smoking three to four times daily and applying parts of Dr. Amen’s book that I feel apply to me and I have been able to increase my consistency on exercising, eating well, and staying more positive. Before discovering Dr. Amen and his work I discovered my past and have since laid part of that little girl to rest. I know and believe that with all I’ve discovered and have yet to discover that marijuana is the difference between life and death for me. Until I discover something else that produces the same or allows me the benefits that marijuana does I will continue to smoke.
I find it quite sad knowing that I am not the only one that struggles with this disorder and but I find it more heartbreaking for those like me that don’t even know why or what is going on.
It’s kind of ironic marijuana plays a part in my moving forward , yet without knowing me and my individual makeup, Texas denies me its use which keeps me and so many others in a perpetuating circle of low income, low education, low parenting skills, and little to no knowledge of the importance of mental health.
I apologize for the lengthy email but I just wanted to continue to share my experience on what marijuana has done and continues to do for me.
Thank you so much for all you do.
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