Severe Pain by Shelley Williams

My name is Shelley. I'm a forty-seven year old recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Until a year and a half ago, I had not smoked pot for 18 years! I had been physically healthy and strong my whole life. Roller blading, bicycle and motorcycle riding, traveling the country in a motor home with my dog and god...get the picture? A year and a half ago Ii became very ill. I was in so much pain that I became immobilized. I could barely walk and was in a wheelchair for about 8 months. MRIs showed that three discs in my neck had completely dissolved- bone dust.  The collapse of those discs created a domino effect, myentire spine deteriorating.

Doctors prescribed several different kinds of pain medication. Each one I tried made me vomit, hallucinate, or ill in some way. Surgery relieved much of the pain.  My boyfriend suggested I try smoking a joint. I was very surprised, because he knew I didn't believe in smoking marijuana. His heart could no longer bear to experience my pain.

Days had turned to weeks had turned to months, months of lying in bed writhing in pain. I finally decided to try it, because I could not deal with the pain any longer. To my surprise, a couple of drags and my pain eased up. I’m not trying to say that pot "cured" me or anything like that. All I’m saying is that IT RELIEVES MY PAIN. Anyone suffering from pain will understand exactly what I mean when I say that physical pain can be completely immobilizing.

I decided to tell my children.   They are firm believers in nothing illegal for any reason....they know me well enough to know that I would only resort to an illegal substance if it was absolutely necessary. They don't like it but thank you god, they accept it.  I haven't told my friends. They would not understand. I truly believe that my friends would walk away from me if they knew. Most of my friends belong to a (wonderful) self-help organization where marijuana use for any reason is totally unacceptable. Until a year and a half ago, I held that same opinion. If I needed morphine I could get it. Doesn't make much sense.

I feel like I’m doing something wrong every time I want relief from the pain I am in! I’m scared to death that I’m going to "get busted" or that my friends will find out. Isn’t it sad that I have to feel guilt and shame every time I want to take my medication? The one thing that can ease my physical pain is illegal.