Spastic Pain by Anonymous

First of all, I'm a registered nurse. I state this first because in my mind that statement defines a lot of who I am.

I smoked marijuana as a teenager and decided that due to the course I was taking in life it would be best if I quit, which I did. So from the age of 19 to 45 I never did any drugs that were "illegal".

I have known of the medicinal uses of marijuana all of my adult life.  I have had many patients over the years who freely admitted its use to me.  I even had one young man who was a quadriplegic who used it. His insurance company attempted to get me subpoenaed to testify against him in court so they could cancel his health benefits. After a lengthy discussion with the attorney from the insurance company, she came to the conclusion that using me as a witness would help the defense side of the case. I was never called and the case concluded without any evidence to the favor of the insurance company.

I KNOW the implications of using marijuana legally and socially.

5 years ago I was diagnosed with dystonia, a form of movement disorder which causes severe spasms in various muscle groups. The spasms are continual, unrelenting and extremely painful.

I have been prescribed so many different drugs it is difficult to recall them all.  Muscle relaxers: Soma, Robaxin, Flexeril, Valium, Parafon Forte, and of course the over-the-counter standbys, Tylenol, Motrin, and Naprosyn. For pain I have taken Vicodin, Darvocet, Toradol and Demerol. For anxiety Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, Xanax, Wellbutrin, Elavil and Valium, For attempted control by changing my brain chemistry Neurontin, Klonopin, Tegretol, and Dilantin.

I have taken these meds to no avail. I still have pain, spasms and anxiety. Two years ago my doctor started injecting botulism toxin into the muscles, a military-grade biological warfare neurological bacterium took me a year to consent-- the whole idea just made my skin crawl-- but it works. It takes 5-12 days to work, works great for 8 weeks, and then slowly the spasms start where they left off.

Last week after much encouragement from my husband, I took two hits from a joint.  That was all. The spasms stopped. I was calm and relaxed. In my state we passed laws so folks like me could use marijuana medicinally...NOT. What a joke! I'm trying to find a legal way to do this and all my efforts have failed, but I won't quit trying.

I'll let you know how it goes this week in my search for a doctor who will write the recommendation.

Wish me luck.