Adolescent Depression by Anonymous

I'm 16 and have been diagnosed with depression, ADD, and Tourette's Syndrome. For my whole life I had been a depressed child with a happy mask on to hide my pain to the world. Just recently I broke down and couldn't take acting happy all the time any more. At least once a week I would have thoughts and failed attempts at killing myself. A couple months ago I went to a psychiatric hospital for attempted suicide. While there I was prescribed Lexapro for my depression (I was also prescribed Strattera and Orap about a week earlier). The Lexapro doesn’t work. Sometimes for no reason I would find myself curled in a ball in the corner of my room shaking. I just wanted to die. A couple days after I got out of the psych ward my buddy asked me if I wanted to try pot. I had always been curious so I gave it a shot. It was the best day of my life. Not just because it was loads of fun but because all my anxiety, depression, lack of concentration, eye tics, and brain chatter disappeared. It was like I was finally alive for once. Every time I smoke. my problems go away, just like the last time I smoked.. All of my problems would go away or at least were a lot more manageable for days after! When I started smoking regularly I started smiling a lot for the first time in years, but this time it was different... Now I am truly happy. I feel like I can be my real self and experience the world through a much better view.