Depression and Anxiety by René


I am a 45-year-old man living in Canada.  About thirteen years ago, I was diagnosed as suffering from medium to low grade depression and anxiety disorder.  In actuality, my disorder left me living at a level which could be best described as…barely holding on.  All areas of my life were affected by my illness.  Work, marriage, social life…was all in a constant state of upheaval.


  After using commercial antidepressants on and off for ten years or so, I gave up.  The side effects were not worth the hassle. I did not want to feel numbed out anymore.  Yes, the meds helped me with my depression and anxiety, though they did so at the expense of feeling nothing at all.  I was an empty container…hollow.  I couldn’t feel any emotion on these meds.  My motivation for even the simplest tasks was virtually nil. Besides being rendered impotent, I endured a bit of a leaky faucet as well…my bladder was as weak as a fire hose full of holes. 


As a result, I was never on any one med for more than six months at a time.   I was always struggling with the trade-off of being medicated and feeling “wooden”, or being depressed and anxious… yet feeling alive.


After a twenty year hiatus, I began smoking marijuana again.  I immediately found myself more productive and content with things.  My patience comes much easier now.  Situations that used to make me balmy are now much easier to get through, often with a positive lilt.  My periods of depression have for the most part, evaporated.  This applies to feeling anxious as well.


I use a small pipe and smoke the equivalent of about a half a joint each day.  I smoke a tiny pinch about an hour before I leave for work in the morning.  After work, I smoke about twice that amount over the course of the evening.  My total intake is approximately 7 grams, or $25 worth of marijuana every 15 days.  The cost is about 40% less, per month, than the traditional meds.  I was without a drug plan.