Bipolar Disorder by Anonymous
Hello. I am a 27 year old black female living in California. I was first diagnosed with major depression/ bipolar disorder in my freshman year of college, after 10 years of wondering if I was just going nuts. My mother and my upbringing with her and her depression seemed to obviously be at the root of all of my issues. She suffers from it and has to this day never admitted to being depressed. I come from a household of violence and sadness and by the time I reached college, I was swimming in a pool of despair. And I had become a full blown bulimic. The only thing this drug did for me was eliminate my appetite for 17 days straight. I passed out from malnutrition on the 18th day of no food in my system. Then I moved on to Prozac, then Desyrel for insomnia. Then I was on Depakote, lithium, Wellbutrin. Jesus, the doctors were doping me up! I felt so catatonic on the meds they gave me that I wasn't showering or leaving my dorm room (I was a resident assistant at the time on campus). I stopped going to class, the whole nine. I had become an emotional zombie.
When I turned 21, my brother introduced me to pot for my birthday. It was my first memory of feeling okay in about 10 years! But, being such a new pot smoker, I didn't know where I could get more or how much it would cost me...and I knew it was illegal...and I was a "good girl" or at least I was trying to be. That was it for the pot for a couple of years.
I finally had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a hospital for attempting suicide. There I was doped up a bit more on higher dosages of what I had already tried in the past. It still wasn't working for me. I left the hospital in search of myself still.
Now that I am a little older I have a slightly larger income and can afford a regular amount of pot. I smoke about a quarter to a half ounce of weed weekly. No, it ain't cheap, but I am willing to spend that much to save my life. With marijuana I am able to face work, people, situations, LIFE!!!! With traditional meds, I just wanted to fade away.
My appetite is healthy, my outlook on life is healthy, my friendships are healthy. I no longer wish that I was dead because I feel like such a burden. I can handle my own problems, whether they be financial or otherwise, and I want to live a long and prosperous life.
I will pass this valuable secret on to my future kids in hopes that they can carry the fight for decriminalization/ legalization so that people just like me all over this country can live their lives without wondering if they will be arrested for trying to feel better and function.