Bipolar Disorder by Stephanie

I am  a 25 year old female  who is bipolar and I smoke pot to help control my mood swings.  Once I was diagnosed, I immediately decided that conventional medicines were not for me. There are too many side effects associated with every mood stabilizer out there. I have smoked pot since I was about 16 years old, off and on, and even before being diagnosed I had noticed that if I smoked regularly the severity of the moods was lessened greatly, and I was able to continue through my day without an outburst of anger. I am agitated extremely easily and can erupt into anger at the drop of a hat. Dealing with the depression has never been a problem for me, only controlling the rage.  Pot helps greatly with that, and it also gives me a chance to relax. Dealing with bipolar without any conventional drugs is an uphill battle for me.  Being able to relax is key.

The side effects generally associated with smoking pot aren't an issue with me. I haven't really ever had a problem with short term memory loss or lack of motivation. In fact, I have found that if I don't smoke, especially in a downswing, the depression is overwhelming and it is incredibly difficult to make myself do anything-even shower. If I do smoke during the depression, the 'high' takes over in my head, and the depression is easily pushed away and overlooked. I never lose my inability to function while high, either. I don't smoke enough at a sitting to leave myself baked.   I don't have the paranoia that some bipolars get from smoking. It's the opposite for me.  I am able to be calm and therefore more easily determine if my thoughts are rational or irrational.  When I feel my head creeping into a place I know it doesn't need to go, and I feel myself getting stressed out and upset for no reason, pot is the only thing that I have found to give me controlled doses of relief. It is instant and effective without losing "me" in the process.