Bipolar Disorder by Anonymous

I am a 35 yr old male. I have been using marijuana for about 10 years. I started using to calm my mood swings down. The rollercoaster ride of uncontrollable emotion was a living hell as a child. Marijuana was a godsend in my teen years, but very much taboo. When I got married, my wife was understanding but not sure of my claims of the calming effects of marijuana.

After 14 years of marriage and two beautiful girls, my wife has seen what happens to my general outlook on life l when I try to quit, and yes, I have tried to quit very hard because of the illegality of marijuana. My wife doesn’t like me to use because of our children, but she can't stand watching me struggle with the easiest of everyday tasks when I don't have it. I don't just sit down and get high. 

I take a couple of puffs to calm down, slow down, or just be able to comprehend a lot of stuff at once.

My profession is drugstore floor manager. That job is a seasonal nightmare. The most recent event that makes me want to never quit again is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever done. I tried to quit using for a couple of weeks due to a knee injury and lack of money.  Then my wife and I had an argument about nothing, and all of the sudden my wife was lying on the ground. I had shoved her out of instant anger.  I have never manhandled a female ever in my life. The effect of that was five days in jail, two felonies, and very long court dates. Now I am in counseling and mental health counseling. I just hope that I can get a prescription for marijuana from my mental health counselor.

By the way, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about five years ago. The medication that I was taking was a rollercoaster ride of ups, downs, and down even lower, so I quit taking the meds. About four years of a living hell for my family, by the way.   I don't remember 95% of those four years. I hope that my rambling about this will help me or someone else in some way.