Bipolar Disorder and Migraine Headache by Anonymous

I am a 39-year-old woman who has struggled with manic depression and migraines for 25 of them.  I experimented with drugs as a teen, but quit once I had children.  A friend who used marijuana for the pain of scoliosis re-introduced me to it about 8 years ago.  I have found it to be a miracle in my life.  I have tried nearly all the popular anti-depressants available.  Prozac, Zoloft, you name it.  At best, life becomes a quiet gray.  Marijuana, though, leaves the brilliant colors of my highs, and lows unadulterated.  What it does do is to help me to see things more objectively.  Rather than eliminating my moods, it allows me to utilize them for personal growth.  I have had moments of profound insights while high.  Also, I have been addicted to the pain pills given to me for migraines.  For which, I was given Valium to correct.  I have taken cortisone shots directly in the neck. I have liver damage from Tylenol.  Marijuana wasn't so much a miracle for its pain killing effects as it's ability to separate me from the fear of the pain enough to be able to use bio-feedback, meditation and relaxation techniques to help myself.  I have successfully raised 2 kids, who are out on their own.  I work full time as a mortgage loan closer.  Unfortunately, I am having trouble finding it.  I look like a "mom", so it's difficult to fit into the underground world.  So, I am now on two different anti-depressants to try to at least find a safe, quiet shade of gray.