Pain by Jennifer

I am 21 and the mother of a two-year-old.  I have carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands, tendonitis in both shoulders, and chronic back problems, and will definitely suffer arthritis in my shoulders from cortisone treatments.  The doctors refuse to give me any more painkillers, due to a very quick tolerance on my part.  I have been on Vicodin, Darvocet, and Imitrex (for chronic migraines).  I have been told that the next step is Oxycontin, and that means I’ll probably be on it for the rest of my life.  However, they refuse to give me any painkillers until I agree to have more surgery.  The only way I can have more surgery is if my husband quits his job, and that means we can't feed our kids.  The only way I get any form of release is by smoking pot.  I have never been a drug user, and it is not something I advertise.  But the reality is that without it, I find myself unable to function on a normal level.  As my husband is a truck driver, I am the only person that is here to care for the kids.  I don't do it in front of them, and it is to my credit that it enables me to be a better mom.  I stopped during my pregnancy, and suffered through sleepless nights because my hands hurt, I couldn't perform basic tasks like doing dishes because of the pain in my back, and I felt like I was dying. I know that many might say that it was withdrawal, but I know better.